William grew to be a man -- tall, thin, hardened of muscle, but not
hardened in heart. Nonetheless, his
future seemed rather bleak. Was there anything beyond his purposeless
existence? He loved his sheep and his friends, but would he be a shepherd forever?
Because of the bitter disappointment in his youth, he had set his face
against the church as a profession -- the only avenue of success open to
intelligent, young men and women amongst the lower classes in those days.
He had to admit, however, that among the clergy there were a few good
men and women who had a genuine love for God and for people. Brother Joseph was
such a man, for all his struggles with his vows of celibacy. William had once
seen him in the woods with one of the loose village girls, but he thought
nothing of it. Brother Joseph was a
kindly man, in spite of it all, and would often stop and talk to William when
he could. If the village gossipers were right, there was hardly a brother at
St. Bartholomew’s that had not either had secret affairs or even a concubine in
keeping.
William shrugged his shoulders and accepted the situation. After all, he
was far from guiltless himself and had the common English resentment for the
imposition of the foreign Norman-Romish rules, such as mandatory celibacy for
the clergy. It was only when the same lecherous brothers spoke scathingly of
the decaying morals of the poor laity, while doing little to relieve their
sufferings, that his old resentment surfaced.
So he pondered and he thought deeply about the world around him. Sometimes
despair drove him to drink, but he began to see that it did him no good at all.
Realising this, he turned instead to the only one who could really help -- God
Almighty.
He began to pray as his godly mother had taught him, pleading for relief
from the hardships he and the poor people faced.
And God heard his prayer.
While out in the fields minding the flocks one day, he cried out to God
for the miseries of his life and the poor of his world.
‘O Great God in Heaven!’ he cried. ‘Thou knowest all things! Wherefore
then is this curse upon our land? Have we sinned so grievous that we must be
struck down with sword, famine and plague?’
Then he pondered on his own situation. Raising his face to the skies, he
wondered aloud, ‘And wherefore was I not slain as were my mother and my father,
yea as also were my kinsfolk by the Black Plague? For what reason am I thus
preserved?’
He heard a voice from behind him saying in a gentle yet strong voice,
‘´Tis the calling upon thy life. Thou shalt indeed be a tool fashioned of God to ease the sufferings of many in this generation.’
‘´Tis the calling upon thy life. Thou shalt indeed be a tool fashioned of God to ease the sufferings of many in this generation.’
Embarrassed at being overheard in his private soliloquy, yet not
alarmed, William turned in surprise to see one who seemed like a travelling
friar, seated behind him. He wore a plain, russet-coloured clerical gown with
his hood up. His face was in
shadow.
William normally had little respect for the wandering friars, many of
whom were living immoral and profligate lives, often favoured by the rich, and
lately having little regard for the poor. But there was something so mysterious
yet wholesome about this man, that William somehow felt drawn to him. He wore
no jewellery, his habit was plain, his shoulders were broad from heavy toil and
he looked all muscle, with little spare flesh. Although he kept his head bowed,
the hint of a beard showed. An indefinable air of kindness mixed with sorrow
hung about him.
‘Wherewithal knowest thou this, good brother friar?’ asked William,
looking at the stranger with nervous respect. ‘Art thou a prophet?’
‘So some hath said,’ replied the stranger.
There was a quality in his
gentle voice that yet had the power to shake mountains. But what William noticed most were the dried
bloodstains on the strong, work-calloused hand that held his staff. The back of
his habit was also stained with dried blood.
‘Art thou a flagellant, then?’ He had heard of the groups of fanatical
folk that wandered the countryside, publicly lashing themselves with whips in
an attempt to earn their salvation, never satisfied until they drew blood.
‘Nay, for these wounds were delivered unto me in the house of my friends.’
came the strange answer. ‘Once was I an artisan, a carpenter, but now am I a
shepherd, like as thou art. But my sheep I would raise up as shepherds also. Wilt
thou also shepherd the flock of God?’
‘I understand thee, good friar,’ said William, wondering whether he
really did understand. ‘But in my youth, I swore never would I be a holy man. For
such as I have seen oft have seemed unholy indeed, saving thy presence.’
A hint of anger came into the tone of the stranger’s voice.
‘Verily thou hast said, for many that be called shepherds are no
shepherds. Rather are they as wolves, sparing
not the flock. But God looketh upon the heart,
not the outward piety, and whatsoever God maketh holy, call thou not unholy. For
He hath seen thine heart, William the Shepherd, and so thou hast been named. He
hath seen thy pain and sorrow, for so also His great Heart hath been broken for
the sorrows of His people. Therefore he seeketh for them that will stand with
Him to slay the demon-wolves of evil that would devour the flock. This desire
is hidden within thine heart, for so hath God formed thee. ‘Tis thy destiny,
William the Shepherd, if thou wilt so choose!’
Astonished that the stranger knew so much about him, and spoke with such
authority and power, William gaped at him, deeply moved and overwhelmed. Had
God sent one of the Holy Saints to speak to him? Or an Holy Angel? But who was
he, a lecherous drunkard and a thief, to be spoken to so graciously by this
truly holy Man of God? He was so used to being treated with contempt by
supposed holy men. He sat down and hid his face in his hands, shaking. It all
seemed like a dream.
‘Nor angel nor saint of old am I, William the Shepherd.’ said the
stranger, answering his unspoken thought. ‘´Tis sooth that thine heart doth
need cleansing e’er thou dost pursue thy calling, but abundant cleansing there
be in God if thou wilt turn unto Him.
But mark: ‘tis cleansing without
mediation of unholy priests. Think well
on this thy choice.’
And his voice faded into
the distance.
William turned around too late. The stranger had gone.
He ran into the wood behind the man calling, ‘Good Stranger! Holy Friar!
Await me, I beg of thee!’
Then he stopped. Where had he gone so quickly? It was impossible for him
to have melted into the woods without a trace. But at that moment, the
mysterious disappearance didn’t seem as important as the stirrings of his heart
that the stranger had begun to stir.
He knew he had spoken of his future, for it had fanned the sparks of
something that had lain dormant in his heart ever since his parents had prayed
with him in his youth. Yes, this was his destiny, and it seemed as though the
stranger was giving him time to count the cost.
But who? Who? Who was the stranger?
He walked slowly back to his flock, his mind in turmoil. How could God
use him, only half educated, on the lowest rung of the social ladder, a sinner
of sinners?
But did not Brother Joseph once speak of the disciples that came from humble
beginnings? Was not Christ Himself born
in a manger?
He could not sleep that night. So many thoughts went through his mind. If
he did follow this amazing new path that had been opened up to him, he would
have to leave the life he was used to. He would leave his lowly friends,
including his beloved animals, who gave him so much unconditional
devotion.
And where to begin? Must he become like those fat priests that had no interest
in serving the people? Never! Yet the stranger called himself a shepherd of the
flock of God, and William knew instinctively, though irrationally, that he
could trust him with his life and follow him to the ends of the earth.
But who, and where, was he?
If a shepherd of the flock of God he must be, he would model himself on
that humble, gently-spoken stranger, whoever he was. Surely, if he had given
him such a challenge, he would return to hear his answer. William prayed
fervently that he would find the man again. It felt as though he had known him
all his life. No, he was no stranger. He personified that whispering voice in
his heart that had pursued him from his earliest memories, even through his
most sinful, drunken moments.
Yes! He would do whatever it took to become like that man.
He rose early the next morning to tend to his sheep. One quick count and
he let out an oath of exasperation. The most wayward of his young lambs, which
he had named ‘Prodigal’, had wandered off again.
Leaving the others in a safe place, William went off in the direction of
Prodigal’s favourite haunt, the woods, calling the lamb’s name as he went.
He had not gone far into the wood when he came into a small clearing and
cried out, ‘Oh, My God, I thank Thee!’
There sat the stranger, cross-legged, with young Prodigal curled up
asleep in his lap.
Forgetting all about the lamb, William knelt by the stranger.
‘Father! Good friar!’ he panted, ‘Whomsoever thou be. Wilt thou have a
poor sinner as thy disciple?’
Laying the sleeping lamb gently aside, the stranger stood to his feet.
‘Gladly do I receive thee as my disciple, yea, as my friend, William,
thou good shepherd. Thou wert a wandering lamb, but now thou’rt found. Behold
the face of thy new master!’
He threw back his hood, and what William saw stayed with him for the
rest of his days, and beyond.
Pure, unconditional love shone like sunshine from the eyes of the man,
almost blinding him. Pure, unadulterated, unconditional love personified. Yet
also there was an uncompromising holiness, strong and powerful, that shone from
his face. It was both glorious and terrifying.
William fell forward on his face. He lay there quivering for a moment,
dread -- and yet a strange joy -- coursing through his being. He wondered if he
would die, yet hoped the sensation would never leave him.
How could he have been so blind not to know Who the stranger was? But it
never occurred to Him that the Lamb of God Himself would come down to commune
with the scum of the earth. The King of Kings! The Great Shepherd Himself! The
Lord of the Universe! And He called him His friend!
All the hurt and bitterness was being washed out of William’s soul as he
wept and renounced all his sin, his past life. He became a total slave of his
Redeemer. This commitment gave him much of the strength for all the tasks he
was called to for the rest of his life.
Presently, the Great Shepherd touched him, bidding him rise. There was
healing and strength imparted in that touch.
‘Fear not, William the Shepherd. Arise! Old things have passed away. Behold! Now thou’rt a new man. I am sending thee to
gather and feed my sheep.’
William lifted his head, but did not dare to do more than kneel and fix
his gaze on the sandalled feet before him. He was sure that if he looked into
that Face again, he would fall down once more.
But again the gentle thunder
addressed him.
‘Go thou north unto Oxenford, and seek thou for my servant, a man called
Nicolas Hereford, a disciple of one John Wycliffe. He will care for thee and
thou shalt be instructed and shalt feed upon My Word for a season. Then thou
shalt go forth and preach the gospel to many in this land, making them My
disciples. Go forth! And I shall ever be with thee….’
Then He faded away from William’s sight.
To be continued......
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